We always talk about self-care.  Self-care is a way to keep ourselves sane and able to help others.  Self-care is important. Put the oxygen mask on ourselves first. Etc.  I don’t know if this really, truly gets the point across. I think the message I took from these statements was “self-care is something we should keep in mind”.  I don’t think I realized that self-care isn’t just what the name implies; self-care is what keeps us us.  I’ve noticed that when I don’t take care of myself, I become someone I don’t want to be.  I’m cranky, irritable, exhausted, and oftentimes, hungry. Self-care is self-preservation.  If we don’t make time for it, we lose ourselves. We can find our way back, but we still lose those moments where we snapped at someone, or skipped out on something fun because we were exhausted.  Self-care is NOT self-indulgent--it is self-preservation.

But how do we do it?  How do we hang onto ourselves when there is no “extra” time in the day?  I’ve been asking myself this a lot. No solid answers, but I do have some ideas.

First, we must prioritize--not off of deadlines, but off of values.  Do I value a grade or time with my partner? Do I value eating a healthy meal or saving money?  I think these values are somewhat changeable, and sometimes one thing might be a higher priority for a certain reason; e.g., saving money for something special.  Knowing our values is difficult enough, but then we have to evaluate whether or not we are living our lives in line with these values. If “family” is your top value, but you haven’t talked to a family member in weeks due to your busy schedule, is that in line with your values?  Of course, there are reasons that this is happening. Our families wouldn’t want us to fail a class because we were staying in touch with them. At the same time, if we’re not living our life in a way that lines up with our values, we aren’t going to be as happy.

We are busy.  We might always be busy.  We have to find some way to preserve not just our sanity, but our sense of who we are and who we want to be.  So, first we look at values. Then we look at how we are applying those to our lives. Next, we have to figure out how the heck to live our lives the way we want while fulfilling our many duties.  

How do we take care of ourselves on a daily basis?

Self-care is not superficial.  It’s not getting a pedicure once a month or buying a new outfit.  Yes, those can be part of self-care, but I think that we have to dig deeper.  Those aren’t things (most of us) can do every day. We need things we can do every single day that make us feel okay again. I’m starting a list of those things.

• Sleep.  Sleep is not a privilege. So many people seem to think of sleep as something we earn throughout the day; “well, if I get this stuff done, I can go to sleep on time”.  We do not earn sleep. We would not say “well, if I write three sentences, I will let myself take a breath”. No. We need to eat, breath, and sleep. Sleep is not something we have to earn the right to do.  We will be more emotionally stable, less stressed, and more productive if we sleep. No matter what, sleep. Always sleep. If a professor or boss is angry that you had the audacity to sleep when you needed to, fuck them.

• Eat.  Be mindful of what you eat, but eat.  Don’t apologize for needing to eat. Don’t feel guilty for needing to eat.  

• Breathe.  Take a deep breath when you start feeling overwhelmed.  I tell other people to do it all the time and I still forget.  Here’s your reminder to breathe.

• Plan.  Don’t wait to have free time to call your mom/dad/sister/partner/best friend.  The perfect time probably won’t just come along. And if it does, you might be too exhausted to even think about it.  But if you plan it, you can look forward to it. You can get things done so that you have that time when you need it. If you don’t plan it, it probably won’t happen.  

  • Planning goes for other things too.  Plan for things you need to feel whole.  Exercise, cook, go to Target, listen to music, anything.  You probably don’t need a huge chunk of time for these things.  30 minutes probably won’t make or break your day, and you will definitely be more productive if you feel sane and stable.  

• Do things for others.  Maybe this doesn’t apply to everyone, but generally, doing things for other people makes us happy.  Even when we are busy, take a few seconds and do something for someone you love. Send them a card or a nice text.  Bring them their favorite soda. Making their day better will make your day better.

• Learn.  Sometimes I get so caught up in “I need to learn this thing so I can use it with my clients”, I forget to learn just because I love learning.  Take some time and learn something that you’ve been curious about.

There are so many things I could add to this list.  Personally, shaving my legs makes me feel one thousand times better.  And those fizzy things you can put in your shower that smell good? Amazing.  My list is simple because I think we all have self-care routines that are unique to us.  Write yours down. Put it somewhere you’ll see it every day. Make yourself do those things--even when it doesn’t seem like you “deserve” it; even when you are busy; even when there’s something else you could be doing.  Look at what you value most in life and the way you spend your time. In a perfect world, those things would overlap 100%. In real life, not so much. Be mindful of the sacrifices you’re making.

And, when you can, get one of those fizzy shower bomb things.