When to seek relationship counseling

You’re single and don’t want to be.

Modern dating is no easy task. It was probably never easy, but the recent shift in dating culture puts us all in a weird spot. Between swiping, ghosting, and bad dates, dating can be absolutely exhausting. Therapy can help you figure out what you want and how to get it. It also provides a space to reflect on your dating history, look for patterns, and repair old wounds.

My identity centered approach focuses around finding out who you are, how you got this way, and who you want to be in the future. We will explore your personal values. We will dive into your past to see how previous relationships or your relationship with your parents play into how your relationships are going now. All of those relationships affect us, and by understanding those, we can move past them.

You’re feeling uncertain in your relationship.

Do you feel like you’re constantly questioning “is this where I’m supposed to be? Is this who I’m supposed to be with?” That can feel maddening. It’s a difficult thing to experience, and really difficult to discuss with your partner. Therapy gives you an objective space to better understand and explore what you’re needing.

Our relationships are a huge part of our identity, and thinking about leaving one can bring up a lot of anxiety, like losing a part of yourself. My job isn’t to convince you to stay or go (sorry) but rather to provide a space where you can explore who you are, with and without the relationship.

You want to stay in your relationship and you need some help.

Do you feel like you and your partner(s) are speaking different languages? Are you going through a transition in your relationship? Are you exploring something besides monogamy? Has there been a trauma? Cheating?

So many things can happen in a relationship, and they’re not always easy to deal with. Couples counseling is incredibly challenging—I’m not going to lie. You’re letting someone in on something incredibly personal and private. Outside perspective, however, can help you see certain patterns that you might not be aware of. My style is influenced by Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the work of John Gottman. I have Gottman level 1 training (and more to come).

You’re getting married and want to prepare.

Getting married is one of the biggest life choices we make, and it’s okay to be nervous about this! Preparing for this decision can give both people peace of mind. It also gives you both some communication skills, a place to have tough conversations, and it opens the door to questions you might not have thought to ask. In pre-marital counseling, we’ll address any concerns you might have already in your relationship. We’ll also go over some of the big topics that tend to bring couples into counseling later on—In-laws, sex/intimacy, children, religion, values, and goals for the future.