There’s a stereotype around millenials and phone usage. From my experience, the stereotype is scarily accurate. As I’m writing this, I’m taking a break from my phone. Yes, it’s something I have to take a break from. I use it so often for a wide variety of different things, but mostly out of boredom or discomfort. I know it’s not a great use of my time, and I do it anyway. It’s been about 30 minutes from when I thought to write this until now and it’s already a bit of a struggle to not look at my phone, to be quite honest.
Here’s the thing though. I don’t think we have a “tech addiction”—I think we have a fresh, new, coping mechanism. An addiction is something caused by a chemical released in our brain—dopamine. Dopamine is happiness. It’s a short burst of happiness, at least. With addiction, our brain also changes so that it prioritizes a substance above everything else. Mice that use heroin or cocaine will choose that substance over food or sex, and eventually they will die. When we get the familiar ping of a text message or our phone vibrates with an email, we get a tiny release of dopamine in our brain.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I’d like to think I wouldn’t literally die before giving up my phone. The release of dopamine we get from our phones does not compare to what’s released in drugs like heroin and methamphetamine. Even so, our brains recognize it as a source of dopamine, and we really can’t get enough of that stuff. You know how when you’re in an office and there’s a bowl of M&M’s, and you’re not really hungry, but without even thinking you grab a handful of M&M’s? That’s kind of how our phones are all the time.
We typically keep them somewhere we can see them, and out of the corner of our eye our brain recognizes them as a source of dopamine. It goes “hey! you should look at your phone”. It does that for a while, at an unconscious level, until finally we look at our phone to see if there are any notifications. Whether there are notifications or not, we’re likely to just keep looking at it.
Though we do get a burst of dopamine when we get a notification, I don’t know if I’d call it an “addiction”. Our body doesn’t go into withdrawal if we’re away from our phones. Coping mechanisms, on the other hand, are tools that humans use in order to make them feel a certain way.
Humans are really good at finding coping mechanisms. Denial, repression, alcohol, shopping, having lots of sex—they can all work for people for a little while, which is really quite remarkable when you think about it. We use coping mechanisms even as kids,watching TV or playing video games. They can be addictive physically, like drugs and alcohol, but they don’t have to be. They make it slightly easier for humans to not feel their feelings. We freaking love not feeling our feelings. Millennials were the first generation to grow up with this particular coping mechanism and test it out. Others joined in a little later. Now we’re all tied to screens.
There are just so many bad feelings out there! Anger, frustration, annoyance, and even boredom. Sure, the good feelings are nice. The great ones are lovely. But they’re often coupled with other, unpleasant feelings like fear. So life is a little easier when feelings in general are chilled out a bit.
When I’m using my phone, my unpleasant feelings don’t go away. I still feel mildly unpleasant, if that’s what I was already feeling. But I also feel slightly numb to it. Distracted enough to be distracted somewhat from my feelings, but not enough to really feel better. I don’t think it’s quite the distraction heroin can be. But it’s a mild distraction from the present moment.
I think maybe there are ways to be mindful while using a phone. Maybe if we’re noticing the way being on the phone is making us think and feel in the moment, we’re still practicing mindfulness. Maybe that’s just me finding a loop-hole in this situation. When it comes down to it, a goal in mindfulness is to be fully present in life, not distracted by judgments we’re making. I don’t know if you can do this very well while juggling a life that is real and sensational with a life that is digital and two dimensional.
I know how rich the digital life can be. I know real friendships can be made. Real love, kindness, and wisdom, can easily be found in the web. I think that’s beautiful. It is, at the same time, sucking us out of a world that’s real and present all around us. The internet can also be brutal, full of stimuli that is out of our control. That stuff is also sucking us out of the world around us.
Coping mechanisms aren’t a bad thing. Sometimes, we really need them so we can get through life. Sometimes we need them until we’re ready to face what happened. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with needing coping mechanisms. Eventually, when we get to a certain place, we can choose to let go of the less healthy ones. We can start using different ones in their place, and dealing with our feelings in the moment. They’re usually not as bad as we think they’re going to be.
I’ve been away from my phone for an hour now. I used another coping mechanism—writing, being creative. I know this one works better for me, and it’s still really hard to use it sometimes. Looking at my phone is so quick and easy, and it’s something I’ve been doing for so long. But I know it’s important for my growth to start to let it go, just a bit. I have other coping mechanisms, and I can handle my feelings. You can too.
