We all have thoughts sometimes that make us feel like we are the strangest, most messed up people in the world. We all have feelings that we feel like we shouldn’t have. We all sometimes feel sad when we “should” be excited, or happy when we “should” feel sad. Someone gets engaged or has a baby and instead of being happy, we feel a pang of envy. Someone gets fired and instead of being sad, we see the opportunity for our advancement and get excited.
There’s nothing wrong with you—that’s totally normal.
So why do we so often feel that whatever it is we’re feeling is wrong?
It comes back to a stigma that’s placed not just on mental illness, but on feelings in general. Human emotions are beautifully complex and nuanced. We can feel many emotions all at once. We can feel contradictory emotions at the same time. We can feel everything or nothing at all. But the way our culture views feelings seems to be something like this:
Something is wrong. Everything is okay.
[__________________________]_____[___________________________________]
Depression, anxiety, fear, sadness Happy, content, excited, ambitious
The stuff on the right is good. We’re allowed to feel it, we’re more than welcome to talk about it. Facebook and other social media is filled with it. The stuff on the left? Let’s not talk about it. If you feel that stuff, maybe you need to see a therapist or stay in a hospital or get on medications. We don’t like that stuff, we don’t want to talk about it or see it, no one else feels that way, move along.
In reality, the spectrum of normal human emotions includes BOTH sides of the line, and so much more. Sadness? Totally normal. We need to feel it. Guilt? Yep. Anxiety? Totally. Frustration, anger, hatred, uncertainty? All of it, totally normal. The view of feelings should look like this:
Normal Human Emotions
[____________________________________________________________________]
Depression, anxiety, fear, sadness Happy, content, excited, loving
This stigma on emotions puts us in a tough spot. We end up judging our emotions and keeping them to ourselves. This makes us feel isolated. Isolation makes us feel lonely. We “shouldn’t” feel lonely. The cycle continues. We’re left feeling like we’re messed up in some way, beyond repair. We’re left feeling like no one understands (because we don’t share). We end up continuing this stigma by continuing not to talk about whatever it is we’re feeling.
If we all talked about it, we would know that every feeling is totally freaking normal.
We cannot be human and only feel the stuff that feels good. That’s not a genuine human experience. The judgment that we place on our own emotions stops us from being curious and understanding where the feeling is coming from. As soon we think “I shouldn’t be feeling this way” we are blocking ourselves from a deeper understanding, from understanding why we feel that way.
Next time you notice that thought come up, try pausing that judgment. Acknowledge it, and then let yourself feel whatever you feel without that judgment. Sit in that feeling. Get to know it. Notice how it feels in your body. Be curious with it. That’s how we grow.
