Being a therapist is such a cool job, and it gives me so much to continue to learn and understand about humans, myself included. There’s always something to puzzle out and ponder, and I love pondering–it’s one of my favorite activities. I’m always trying to sort out my role as a therapist and how I can best help my clients reach their goals. Here’s what I hope my clients are gaining from our sessions.
Empowerment
People often come to therapy for advice about their lives, someone to guide them. That’s sometimes how therapy is portrayed. But, the way I see it, my job is not really to give advice. At least, not advice on what you should do with your life. Who am I to tell you what you should do, when I don’t know what it’s like to be you? I don’t know what you need, I don’t know what’s going to make you happy. It’s not my call to make.
I have to have a certain amount of distance from my clients, from their decisions. With a loved one, you can’t help but want certain things for them. With a client, I have to accept that their wins are their wins and their losses are their losses. I’m alongside for whatever happens. And I am giving some advice, but it’s not about what job you should have or who you should date.
My tips/advice/suggestions are about how to take care of yourself and love yourself no matter what is happening in your life. My suggestions are always going to come from questions like “what do you need?” “what are you feeling?” “how are you talking to yourself about this?” As tempting as it might seem to accept direct advice, it’s not going to help you figure out your own path in the long run.
2. Self-compassion
I blog about this one all the time, and I don’t think I go through a single therapy session where it doesn’t come up. Without self-compassion, every mistake you make will haunt you. Without self-compassion, you are bound to see yourself with judgment when there ought to be some softness.
Being human means being imperfect, having big emotions, acting illogically, at times. We deserve to give ourselves the same compassion we would give to others. And, the more compassion we give to ourselves, the more capacity we have to give it to others, too. Being kind to yourself makes you a kinder person overall.
3. Changing their self-talk
The experiences we have impact the types of thoughts we have. What we’re told about ourselves impacts the way we think about ourselves, which, in turn, impacts our moods. It doesn’t matter how much you do to try to be happy if you’re talking to yourself with judgment, criticism, blame, etc.
Imagine walking around all day, every day, with someone who only spews negativity. Imagine going through your daily tasks with someone who follows, pointing out the ways that what you’re doing is not enough. Imagine you spend a day doing chores, taking care of your pets/children, working, etc. and yet there’s a voice that reminds you of everything you didn’t accomplish.
Many of my clients live with such a voice every single day. Something I want my clients to learn in therapy is how to recognize that voice, get some distance from it (i.e., recognize that everything it says isn’t true), and eventually start to change it to something more positive. It might sound impossible, but it’s not.
4. Noticing and changing patterns
Recognizing and changing thoughts are great, but if it doesn’t help you change patterns in your life, what is it all for? Therapy is about emotional, cognitive, and behavioral change. Good therapy means that you’re able to take tangible communication and self-regulation skills and apply them to every aspect of your life. It means that you’re able to take steps that you want to take and see real changes in your life.
5. Developing connection with self
Many people come to therapy with difficulty knowing and communicating their wants and needs; low self-worth; high self-criticism. Having a connection with ourselves means that we understand what we are wanting and needing, and we love and care for ourselves enough to do our best to give ourselves those things. It takes a lot of work to rebuild a relationship that’s broken, as many of our relationships with ourselves are. One of the things I want most for my clients is that they’re able to build a relationship with trust, care, compassion, and understanding with themselves.
If anything I’ve said here is resonating with you, we might be a good fit for therapy. Contact me and let’s get started today.
